“Life Is 10% What Happens To You And 90% How You React To It.”

Eternal happiness is something I think we all strive for. Some of us work hard to try and find it while others of us don’t exactly feel ready to find it. How to reach this happiness is a long hard journey that over time you will learn as I collectively share my ideals with you all, but at the end of the day, it all depends on your mindset. More specifically, your mindset when it comes to reacting in difficult situations.

Your mindset will ultimately make or break you in life. I grew up being a generally angry person. Mad at the world and very mad at myself, but had no desire to change. I saw my view of life as something sustainable, something I was used to and comfortable with. I was the girl with “the bitchy personality” who would always be there to stir up or put an end to an argument and I was okay with holding that title.

The smallest inconveniences felt like they carried my entire mood throughout my day. Something like a traffic jam on the way to a friend’s house would leave me feeling emotionally exhausted, extremely frustrated, and would alter my mood for the next few hours. I always felt so guilty at the end of the day after arriving somewhere in a bad mood, just knowing it was affecting others around me as well. It sounds dramatic to think a traffic jam could really alter my mood that much but I wouldn’t just show up slightly off or a little quiet, I would immediately dump a rant about why I was so angry the second I walked through the door and force my bad attitude to transfer onto everyone around me. This was the type of person I was for years. Constantly pushing my negative energy onto everyone and not realizing that I was hurting myself and weakening my relationships with the people I loved.

Someone cutting you off on the road, the cashier taking too long at check out, your candy getting stuck in the vending machine, your food being made wrong, and attitude given by a stranger should not be a reason to alter your entire mood for a few hours, let alone an entire day.

“How are other people so ‘chill’ and I get so worked up over the smallest things?”

I had to learn to let go.

My biggest wake-up call was when my college roommates admitted to me that they didn’t tell me certain things because they knew it would “make me mad”. I was absolutely crushed hearing that my closest friends were scared to tell me things that happened in their lives because of how I reacted. Once I heard this, I knew that I was the problem in my friendships and I needed to do some deep work to change. After going through therapist after therapist, I finally found the woman who opened my mind to a new way of life…

The brain allows each person a different amount of mental energy every day. Whether you accept the positive energy or not is up to you. Once I began channeling my energy into positive experiences rather than negative ones, my entire life drastically changed for the better. I created some rules in my life to try and fix my short fuse and I actively remind myself of them every single day.

1. DO NOT let traffic alter your mood

This sounds so silly but trust me, once you let go of road rage your anxiety & mood will drastically improve. Giving your energy to negative experiences will drain you regardless of what the experience is. Allowing yourself to put energy into something as simple as bad driving is going to make you a more angry person even if you don’t realize it. In the simplest terms, do not allow the little things to get you so worked up!

 2. Humans make mistakes, we shouldn’t blame them for it.

This is something every single human being needs to implement. This truly all goes back to “treat people the way you want to be treated”. I’m always brought back to how much I would be yelled at and blamed in my childhood for things that were truly an accident. In moments where I want to argue with someone for making a mistake, I bring myself back and remember this rule!! We are all human beings, you have no idea what anyone is going through & any mistake they make is something you are just as capable of.

 3. Don’t watch thriller, horror, true crime, or action movies/shows often.

I used to be a horror & true crime junkie between the books, shows, podcasts & movies I watched/read on a daily basis. My therapist and I decided to try and hold back on these types of media for just a month to see if I notice a difference in my mood and honestly, this might have been the most life-changing thing I’ve done! I never thought that something that was my interest/entertainment, was making my anxiety worse and left me on edge for hours. When you consume this type of content, your anxiety levels spike as you begin to feel fear. For some, this is a fleeting feeling, but for me, especially while watching true crime, this feeling lasted HOURS. I would be left with lingering paranoia and a slightly increased level of anxiety for the rest of the day. This level of anxiety also leads to people lashing out because of how much their body is in fight or flight mode. After just one month of not consuming any type of content that is slightly negative, I noticed my mood improve drastically. My rule of thumb is one horror/true crime piece of content a month & stick to sitcoms for the most part!

 4. Put yourself in their shoes.

This coincides with #2 but it’s especially evident in the service industry. Putting yourself in other people’s shoes will give you a great amount of empathy and compassion. In an instance of a busy restaurant, I like to think “Would I be happy working this job while being seated 5 parties at a time on a Friday night?” Once you realize that the person is also another human being not just someone who serves you, it is easier to feel like the “chill person” because you would never want to be rushed or yelled at while working so why would you do it to someone else?

5. Always self reflect

Whether this is through journaling or just talking through it in your head, self-reflection is KEY to finding happiness. Ask yourself “Why do I act this way?” “What past experience in my life is making me react this way?” “How can I assess this situation better?” These types of questions will help you react much more positively in future instances. Once you are aware of why you act the way you do, it is easier to correct old habits.

At the end of the day, I am a human being just like you. I don’t always follow my own rules, I lash out, and I overreact, but I never let those instances just be brushed under the rug. When we do have instances of bringing back old bad habits or acting out of character, it is essential to reflect and remind ourselves that we can always grow. There is ALWAYS room to grow and improve. It is truly never too late to change and work on our habits! Sit with yourself, go over the rules again, and remind yourself that we are all human beings just trying to do our best.

I promise you when you begin channeling your energy into the things you love, those angry moments from your past happen less and less. I went from being someone who would put great blame on people for their innocent mistakes, to now not even feeling bothered at all when someone slips up. You can stain my carpet, shrink my clothes, make me the wrong meal, or cut me off in traffic but I will never react the way I used to ever again.

We are all human beings deserving of love and happiness. Give your energy to positive experiences. Enjoy the people you’re surrounded by. Live freely. Get out of your comfort zone.

Eternal Happiness is on the horizon.

Feel free to share your thoughts with me in my IG/TT DMs. See you next Monday. 💚